Of Love Aisuru koto.pdf

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Narise Konohara
Of Beauty / Of Love
Of Love
That day, Yosuke Matsuoka arrived at the office at twenty past nine in the morning. He had ten
minutes until the senior management meeting started. Since he had not been able to attend the daily
morning meeting, he had his subordinate, Shinozaki, brief him quickly before he beelined for the
conference room.
This was just another regular scheduled meeting, and there was nothing to report this time
from the sales department. Matsuoka half-listened to the usual routine of announcements as he
ducked his head and yawned furtively from time to time, readjusting his seat. It was hard sitting
straight.
Every time he felt the stinging in his lower parts, his night with Motofumi Hirosue flashed
back in his memories, which was a mild inconvenience. The sensation of his passionate kiss, the
hesitant fingers up his back, the sound of the man’s breath catching at his ear―just the memories were
enough to make his whole body burn up from its core.
“―Hey.”
He was brought back to earth by the voice of Saijo, who was the same age as him and the
section manager of General Affairs. The people around them were getting out of their seats and
heading for the door in a scattered fashion.
“Are you spaced out? The conference is over.”
“Oh. Right.” Matsuoka hastily got up, and felt the stinging of his lower regions spread to his
entire body. It was hard to shake off this strange sensation, which was both painful and ticklish. But it
made him happy to think that this was Hirosue’s lasting mark on him. He was beyond help; he even
thought so himself.
“It’s rare to see you so dazed like that.” As they walked down the hall, Saijo raised both arms
and stretched. His stint as a rugby player in university showed in his sturdy physique. His mindset
was also very sportsmanlike. For someone who had been promoted to a senior position at a young
age, he was not snobbish or two-faced, and was a comfortable man to be around.
“Your mind still stuck in the weekend?”
Matsuoka smiled wryly. “Maybe,” he said, giving a small yawn. “Maybe I’m tired because I
was out all day yesterday.”
His weekend had been a dizzying roller-coaster ride. In just two days, he felt like he had gone
through a year’s worth of emotional ups and downs. The reunion with the man he used to love―
Hirosue’s words had put Matsuoka at their mercy as he dragged Matsuoka to one place after another
before telling him, at the very end, that he loved him.
Matsuoka had always wished for those words―wished that the man would love him. But
when he was finally given the sweet confession, Matsuoka was unable to take it at face value. He had
already been rejected twice, and he knew that Hirosue was indecisive by nature. Matsuoka was
apprehensive; he figured that Hirosue had only confessed his love in the moment, and later he was
bound to say, “Never mind.”
Matsuoka invited the man to bed with the intention of restoring Hirosue’s senses as soon as
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Narise Konohara
Of Beauty / Of Love
possible. He also did not want to keep his hopes up. But contrary to his expectations, Hirosue had no
problem touching his male body. There was nothing violent in his actions, and he was gentle until the.
The fingers that ran over his body and the words he spoke were almost unbelievably loving.
Despite his caution, Matsuoka found himself drowning in the swirl of emotions, which flooded
and rose quickly above hazardous levels. Even at the office, the memories of their naked bodies in
erotic acts overlapped his thoughts. He remembered the soft touch on his cheek. Even that was
enough to arouse him and make his ears feel hot.
“Where did you go in such hot weather?”
“Huh?”
“You said you went out yesterday.”
Saijo looked surprised when Matsuoka told him the name of the far-flung city where he had
spent time with Hirosue.
“Was this on a business trip?”
“No. Personal.”
“What did you go all the way out there for?”
Matsuoka could not say that he had been dragged onto the bullet train by the man he
loved―much less that he had endlessly had sex with the man and come back this morning.
Saijo appeared to sense something more and pelted him with persistent questions. Matsuoka
dodged him and returned to the office. He took care to sit gently in his chair, but he felt himself throb
at the centre, making him conscious of a man who was not around.
He was aware of the pile of documents on his desk, but Matsuoka first took his cell phone out
of his suit pocket.
There was no reply to the e-mail he had sent from on the bullet train. He knew Hirosue wasn’t
the kind of man who would e-mail him if he knew he was at work, but he still felt a little
disappointed.
That time, he had been so desperate to convey his feelings that his message had been a
rambling mess of phrases like “I want to see you” and “I want to see your face”. Upon reflection, it all
sounded rather feminine and childish. Now, he couldn’t stop wondering whether Hirosue thought he
was immature.
All the time that Matsuoka had spent harbouring one-sided feelings had ended with a ruthless
rejection. Matsuoka had severed all methods of contact between them, so he had figured they would
never meet again. But in one night, they had gone as far as to have sex and become lovers. He still
couldn’t wrap his head around what happened or how, and it still felt like he was dreaming.
Matsuoka switched his phone off vibrate mode and took a small breath. Perhaps it was because
he had dashed up so many metaphorical stages of a relationship at once; even when he was alone, he
found himself restless. He figured he should start on his work, and reached for the documents in his
inbox.
“Chief.”
He looked up to see Uemura in front of him. She was the assistant chief, a woman with short
hair.
“Do you have a minute? It’s about Daito Company.”
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Narise Konohara
Of Beauty / Of Love
Matsuoka had formerly been in charge of Daito Company, and had transferred the job to
Uemura after he became promoted to section chief. Even though he had given her numerous
precautions about the trickiness of their contact, the troubles never ceased. He had hoped the contact
would be at least a little forgiving towards a female employee like her, but apparently that was too
much to ask.
Matsuoka offered to have her switched out with someone else, but Uemura declined.
“I’ll keep at it for a bit longer and see what I can do,” she said resiliently. After they finished
their discussion, Uemura asked him an abrupt question.
“Did something good happen?”
“Uh, not really. Why?”
“You just seem really happy.”
Matsuoka could only smile wryly. He took some documents in hand after Uemura went back
to her desk, but he still could not concentrate. It had been hours since they parted, but his skin still
tingled. He wasn’t in that hotel room anymore, nor was he being touched, but the memories kept
coming back vividly.
Matsuoka fished his cigarettes and lighter from his drawer and left the room. At the end of the
hallway was a smoking area, with a ventilation fan and plastic partitions extended halfway from the
ceiling. He had second thoughts about taking a break at such an early hour of the work day, but he
knew he wouldn’t get any work done at this rate.
To avoid the discomfort in his lower half from sitting, Matsuoka leaned against the wall
instead as he smoked.
“Chief, are you here for a smoke, too?”
His subordinate, Shinozaki, also came into the smoking area. He was a head above the rest of
the sales workers in terms of the amount he smoked. Matsuoka thought it was a little too early for him
to be taking a break, but as the equally-guilty boss, he couldn’t make any complaints.
“Aren’t you going to sit?” Shinozaki glanced sideways at Matsuoka leaning against the wall.
“I’m going to head back soon, anyway.”
“Excuse me, then,” Shinozaki said as he sat down on the bench. They could see the sky
through the window at the end of the hallway, and it was cloudy outside. It had been sunny in the
early morning hours. Matsuoka idly wondered how the weather was out west.
“Say, Chief, you were scrambling around quite a bit this morning, weren’t you? It’s so rare to
see you come in late.”
Matsuoka tapped the ash off his cigarette into the ashtray. “I overslept,” he said.
“Whatever you were doing must have kept you up all night yesterday,” Shinozaki said slyly
with narrowed eyes. “Enough to make you oversleep, am I right?” He was absolutely right, but
Matsuoka didn’t feel like entertaining his joke by affirming it.
“Who knows?” he said, shrugging and putting the cigarette to his lips again.
“Chief, you really do have a girlfriend, don’t you?”
Until now, Matsuoka had always said he didn’t have a girlfriend, because it was true. But if he
was going to start dating Hirosue, it would be a hassle if girls continued to approach him like they
had done before. Shinozaki was talkative and not very good at keeping secrets. If Matsuoka told him,
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Of Beauty / Of Love
the whole office would know within the day. Perhaps this was a good opportunity.
“I guess you can call it that,” Matsuoka affirmed.
“I knew it,” Shinozaki said enthusiastically, biting his bait. “I think it was weirder to see you
without a girlfriend until now, Chief. But you’ll make your fans cry. I think some girls are pretty
serious about you. So, does your girlfriend work at this company?”
“No comment.”
“I won’t tell anyone, I swear. Please?”
Matsuoka looked at the ceiling.
“She’s a normal person.”
Shinozaki pouted sourly. “Everyone’s normal.”
“She’s a gentle, indecisive worry wart. And that’s the end of this topic.”
“Aww,” Shinozaki groaned in dismay, but he did not pry any further. Although he was
unreserved and informal, he still knew where to draw the line.
“Girlfriends are nice, but don’t you find them kind of bothersome sometimes?” he murmured.
If Matsuoka remembered correctly, Shinozaki was in his second year of dating a girl in a branch
company. “She keeps pestering me to take her places on our days off. When I tell her I’m tired and I
want to rest, she gets in a bad mood and says I’m being cold to her lately. Obviously I was trying
harder when we first started dating―everyone does, right? But I can’t keep that up forever.”
Shinozaki let out a billowing puff of smoke.
“On top of that, these days she’s started telling me to smoke less. I figured she was fine with it
since she never said anything, but apparently it’s always bothered her. I’m already stressed enough at
work. I can’t stand being suffocated around my girlfriend, too.”
“Well, there’s nothing you can do about that, I guess.”
Matsuoka, who had been tossing back a half-hearted response or two, glanced at the pack of
cigarettes he was holding. Before, he hadn’t smoked that much. He had started smoking more after
Hirosue had gone back to the countryside.
Hirosue did not smoke. The one time he did, he had choked quite badly. He had never
mentioned that Matsuoka’s smoking was a problem. But seeing as how he didn’t smoke himself, he
probably didn’t like it especially, either.
“Have you smoked this before?” Matsuoka showed the pack to Shinozaki.
“It’s pretty good. I like it.”
“Then you can have it. There’s still half of the pack left.”
Matsuoka tossed the pack at him, and Shinozaki caught it nimbly with one hand.
“What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?”
“I decided to quit smoking.”
“What? No way, don’t one-up me!”
Matsuoka laughed as he left the smoking area. He never stocked up on smokes, so those were
the only ones he had. He would throw his lighter away. He would stop smoking.
He wanted to get rid of any part of him that Hirosue might find unpleasant.
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Narise Konohara
Of Beauty / Of Love
Matsuoka had told Hirosue to meet him at Tokyo Station, since Hirosue didn’t know where his
new condo was. The bullet train stopped at there, and it was also Matsuoka’s transfer station. It
seemed perfect. But Matsuoka had completely overlooked the fact of rush hour. And it was Friday
today; the ticket gates near his transfer point was packed with people. The heat radiating from the
throng was overwhelming, and a thin sheen of sweat formed on his forehead just from standing still.
Matsuoka had come to the station a little early because he didn’t want to keep Hirosue waiting.
However, although the bullet train occasionally came late, it never came earlier than the schedule
hour. Matsuoka was jostled around pointlessly by the crowd. He carefully looked around him,
watching people elbow each other to get out of the ticket gates from the corner of his eye.
He finally found the familiar face. Hist heart suddenly raced. Hirosue was glancing around as
he approached the ticket gates. He had not noticed Matsuoka yet. Matsuoka raise his right hand up
high.
Hirosue finally noticed him. His blank, public face broke into a relieved smile as he
approached.
“Look at the people, huh?” Hirosue wiped the sweat off his brow with his fingers. He was
wearing an unremarkable plaid shirt and jeans, and had a large, navy blue tote bag slung over his
right shoulder. They had not seen each other since Monday morning, so it had been four days now.
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” Matsuoka apologized. “Seven o’clock on a weekday is smack in the
middle of the end-of-day rush. I should have chosen another place.”
Hirosue shook his head at Matsuoka’s apology.
“It’s probably crowded everywhere in the station, anyway. And we still found each other
without a problem. I’ve been out so long in the countryside that I totally forgot what it feels like to be
in a crowd like this. I was kind of taken aback.”
They had been phoning each other every day, and talked for quite a long time, too―about one
or two hours. Over the phone, Matsuoka was unfazed if their conversation strayed into bawdy
territory, but in person, he felt needlessly nervous.
“Well, how about we go out for dinner to start?” he suggested. “I’m starving. Any particular
restaurant you want to go to, Hirosue?”
“I don’t know much about the station area, so it doesn’t matter where.”
“Can we go to the izakaya close to my condo, then? It has a nice ambiance.”
Side-by-side, they waded through the crowd to get to the subway platform. There were
considerably less people compared to the JR ticket gates, but it was packed inside the subway car. As if
things weren’t already bad, the man standing behind Matsuoka was wearing large headphones that
were leaking noisy music. Even with Hirosue right beside him, they were barely able to have a
conversation.
They were finally freed from the throng when they got off at the station closest to Matsuoka’s
condo. It had been hot and humid in the subway car, and outside it was not much different. The
breeze was warm and the air was damp.
Hirosue was still untalkative after they had left the noise behind. Matsuoka pretended not to
notice and kept up a lighthearted conversation.
“What time did you leave your place, Hirosue?”
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